In Episode 4 of Beyond Management™️ Web-Series, a guest bravely shared her experience of navigating parental leave while reporting to a woman-identifying manager who not only withheld support, but created a deeply toxic environment.
It was a hard, honest moment. And it struck a nerve.
We often assume that shared identity guarantees shared values, especially among women in leadership. But this episode was a sobering reminder: identity alone does not make someone an ally.
In fact, a 2023 Lean In and McKinsey & Company study revealed that while women in leadership are more likely to support employee well-being, 1 in 3 women still report their manager (of any gender) as a barrier to advancement. Among those who experienced parental bias, 60% said the most difficult interactions came from another woman-identifying manager.
Why does this happen? Often, it’s about pressure and proximity to power. Some women-identifying managers, especially in male-dominated industries, adopt “survivalist” mindsets distancing themselves from others navigating the same challenges they once faced. They see support as a threat to their status, rather than a strength.
But that’s not leadership. That’s fear disguised as authority.
So what do you do when the manager who should be your advocate becomes your greatest obstacle during one of the most vulnerable times in your life?
Here’s how to recognize the red flags early, and what you can do to protect your peace and your career:
5 Signs You’re Dealing With a Non-Ally Manager:
- Inconsistent Support: Their tone shifts or their enthusiasm fades once you disclose a pregnancy or ask for flexibility.
- Gatekeeping Information: You’re suddenly left out of meetings, updates, or decisions that affect your role or advancement.
- Performative Empowerment: They speak about “empowering women” in public forums, but privately undermine, micromanage, or ignore your needs.
- Discrediting Your Experience: When you raise concerns, they minimize, gaslight, or suggest you’re being “too sensitive” or “not a team player.”
- Competitive Behavior: They view your growth or visibility as a threat rather than a success to celebrate.
4 Strategies to Navigate These Dynamics:
- Document, Document, Document: Keep a paper trail. Save emails, note down dates and details of concerning conversations, and record any shifting expectations. Facts create leverage.
- Broaden Your Support System: Tap into ERGs, trusted colleagues, sponsors, and external mentors. You deserve more than one point of support especially when your direct manager isn’t safe.
- Know (and Assert) Your Rights: Review company policies on parental leave, flexible schedules, and accommodations. Familiarize yourself with FMLA and your state’s protections. Your well-being is not negotiable.
- Trust Your Instincts and Exit If Needed: If the environment becomes harmful, prioritize your mental, physical, and professional safety. Leaving a toxic manager is not failure, it’s preservation.
We can’t afford to sugarcoat these stories anymore. Managers, regardless of identity must be held accountable for the environments they create.
The real mark of an ally is not who you are, but how you lead.
Let’s make space for truth, healing, and change, even when it’s uncomfortable.
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About Netta Jenkins
Netta Jenkins is a distinguished tech CEO and the visionary behind the acclaimed 8-week leadership accelerator, Super Charged Management. As a two-time published author with Wiley, her forthcoming book, “Supercharged Teams: How Every Manager Can Create a Culture of Excellence,” follows her debut work, “The Inclusive Organization,” recognized as a top read in Forbes and amplified by Arianna Huffington to her 10 Million Linkedin Followers.
Netta hosts the Beyond Management™️ LinkedIn leadership web series, powered by Holistic Inclusion Consulting, which has garnered over 10 million impressions. Through engaging, street interview-style content, she fosters meaningful discussions that enhance organizational learning and development, boost brand visibility, and position organizations as thought leaders, driving new customer acquisition and talent recruitment.
A seasoned TEDx and keynote speaker, Netta has captivated audiences worldwide, delivering science-backed insights and strategies with compelling impact. With over 15 years of expertise in global workplace advisory and a LinkedIn following exceeding 200,000, she has been featured in leading outlets such as The Washington Post, McKinsey, Forbes, and Fortune. Her influence earned her recognition as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Black Women in Business to Follow by CIO Views in 2021.
Previously serving as VP of Global Inclusive Strategy at IAC, Netta partnered with brands like Match.com, Vimeo, and Daily Beast. She advises Betterment, consults executives via the Intro app, and is pursuing a doctorate in quality systems. Currently, she collaborates with Marc Lore (former CEO of Walmart) and Preet Bharara (former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York) to build Telosa, a visionary new city in America.
Residing on the East Coast with her family, Netta continues to make a transformative impact in both the corporate and startup landscapes.
